Secret Santa
by Shellfish1001
Summary: Selphie sets up secret Santa for the gang including Nida cos I needed an even number Seifer has to get a gift for Squall but what does squall actually like? SeiferxZellwarning: mentions of dildos


Secret Santa.

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Seifer stared in horror at the piece of paper that sealed his fate, that read who he would have to be the secret Santa for.

_Squall_.

He looked up at Selphie who stood there grinning at hopefully. "Well?" She asked. "Isn't this great? Aren't you happy?

"Happy?! How can I be happy? Why did it have to be Squall? Anyone else would have been fine but why Squall?"

Her little pigtails drooped slightly. "I thought it was what you wanted."

"How did you think that I-"

"Irvy said that you-"

"Irvine told you? It was probably a joke, he's trying to make me look silly."

"No, no he said you had a thing for a guy in own little group and as there aren't many guys in our group it was obvious that he meant Squall."

Seifer just looked at her.

"It's not Squall?"

He shook his head.

"Oh….. Well I'm sure you can find a nice present for Squall anyway."

"Who's Squall buying for?"

"It's a secret!"

He glared at her, doing a good impression of Squall's glare.

She sighed. "You."

"What?!"

"But do try and act surprised when you find out okay? Or you'll get me into trouble."

"You should be in trouble! You've got that walking iceberg as my secret Santa? Great." He sighed. "No present for me this year then."

She smiled. "Don't be so negative, Squall will get you a great present I'm sure of it."

Seifer scoffed. "So who got Zell?"

She frowned. "I can tell you everyone's-"

"Just this one more!"

She folded her arms. "Well if you must know I did."

"I'll swap with you!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because you'll ruin my system!"

"How is one little swap going to ruin things? Go on please Selphie you owe me one anyway."

"For what?"

"For setting me up with snowy the snowflake."

She looked firm. "Sorry but the decision stands."

"But-"

"You know there's nothing to stop you buying Zell a present too."

"Yeah but-" He whined. "That'll look weird like I have a thing for him or something."

"You do!"

"Yeah but I don't want him to know that."

She sighed. "Don't be such a child."

He bristled. "Says you with your pigtails." He folded his arms fidgeting.

"It's not my fault if I didn't know you liked Zell it's not as if you're nice to him."

"That because he's cute when he's pissed off and then he goes all fighter pose on me and you get the best view of his ass at that-"

She held up a hand. "Thanks that's enough information for me."

"What the hell am I supposed to get Squall for Christmas then?"

She patted him on the shoulder. "I'm sure you'll think of something by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?!"

"Yeah we're all having a party in my dorm remember?"

"That's when we're doing the presents?"

She nodded.

"Ah! I have to go shopping!" He hurried away from her and into town.

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Squall frowned as he walked through the shopping centre with Irvine and Rinoa.

"What the hell do I get for Seifer for Christmas? I don't even speak to him if I can help it."

"Well just think what does Seifer like?"

Squall thought about it for five seconds then gave Irvine a blank look.

Rinoa laughed. "He likes weapons."

"Oh good let's get the guy who went all homicidal that time a weapon that's a good idea."

She tried to look put out even as she laughed. "Well it was just a suggestion."

"He likes leather."

"Too expensive…. For a guy I never talk to."

"Well then play it safe and get him some cheap but nice cologne or something." Irvine suggested.

"I guess."

"But that's so…. Impersonal." Rinoa said.

"That's good because we are impersonal."

"Maybe if he tried harder you two could…."

"Could? Could what?"

"Could be friends or maybe more." She gave him a look.

Squall looked horrified at the thought of that.

"Maybe not." She added.

"Oh oh there's the shop that my present's in!" Rinoa announced making them stop.

Squall rolled his eyes. "At least I'm not cheating." He added as he watched Rinoa point out the exact thing that she wanted to Irvine who was her 'secret' Santa.

"Now remember to act surprised when we open the presents."

"I know I know I've been practising."

Squall rolled his eyes. "Selphie's not stupid she'll know you cheated."

"Oh well it doesn't matter she got what she wanted and she's probably going to be the only one."

Irvine swung his bags. "Do you want to see what we got for Nida?"

"I thought you were Rinoa's secret Santa."

"I am I was just helping." He delved into the bag and holding up a DVD. "Ta-Da!"

Squall took the box and read it, his eyebrows getting higher and higher with each sentence. "Is this a porn movie?"

"No!" Rinoa laughed. "It's erotica art."

He scoffed. "That's what they call it now is it?"

"I thought about how ridge and boring Nida was and the idea just came to me."

"Ridge and boring? Should I get one for Seifer too?"

"If you did you should get a gay one." Rinoa said.

Irvine laughed. "Seifer's not gay."

She blinked at him straight faced.

"What? Really? No way, really?!"

"I thought you knew, I think he has a thing for Zell too."

"We should get him a dildo then!"

Squall looked horrified. "I know when you say 'we' you mean 'me' and I am not getting Seifer a dildo do you the sort of message that sends?"

"Well he can use it on Zell!" Irvine suggested laughed.

Squall grimaced. "That's enough disturbing images thank you, I'll find something on my own."

"But Squall-"

"Oh we were having so much fun!"

He shrugged off the complaints and tried to out walk them.

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At Selphie's party, the hostess was in the kitchen 'cooking' (for cooking read putting mini sausages on plates and stirring). The guests were due in half an hour she was just putting the food on the table.

She had the radio on so loud and she was singing along to 'Jingle bell rock' so badly that she almost didn't hear the door bell.

She opened the door to Seifer. "You're early!"

"I know I'm not here for a party I want to talk to you!"

She let him, led him into the kitchen and turned off the radio. "Well?" She waited.

"I don't think I can come to the party."

"Why not? You have to you're part of the secret Santa plan."

"Oh who cares? Squall's probably got me a stick of celery and I've got crap for him too."

"But I thought you wanted to be here for Zell."

"I did but then I had this better idea, I'll slip Zell's present-" He saw Selphie grin. "Yes I took you're advice and got him a present too." He continued. "Anyway I'll slip his present into his room somehow so he'll see it and not me."

She grinned. "You're going to chicken out!"

He bristled. "Don't use the 'C' word about me!"

"You are! You don't want Zell to know you sent the present!"

"Well this is your fault, I would have had the perfect opportunity if you'd got the Santa thing right, but instead it's going to look weird."

"It's not weird, I got a present of Irvy last year as a friend I'm not his girlfriend or his Santa he's a friend the same as you and Zell and-" She grinned. "I happen to know something that a little birdie told me." She toed the floor in front of her.

"What?"

"I was with Zell when he said he brought you a present so you can exchange them at the party."

"Really?" He frowned. "I guess that's alright then."

She nodded, pleased with herself.

"Okay I'll see you later." He headed for the door and Selphie grabbed the phone.

She dialled Zell's number. "Zell? It's me, you know the party in half an hour? You have to bring a present for Seifer!"

"What? Another secret Santa?! If you had given me Seifer in the first place then--"

"Yeah yeah just bring a present for Seifer okay?"

"But I don't have anything-"

"You'll find something! Bye!"

"Wai-!"

She hung up the phone and went back to her stirring.

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Quistis peeled back the wrapping paper to reveal…. A book. The rest of group grimaced or frowned or sighed having hoped for something exciting.

Quistus smiled reading the title. The encloypedea of monsters. "Thank you Nida, very thoughtful gift."

He smiled back, the book was put behind her on the low table and the group continued round the circle they were sitting in to the next victim.

Zell squirmed nervously on the carpet watching Irvine next to him receive the gift he had brought.

The cowboy smiled and then laughed as he flipped through a book on the voted top hundred sexy girls in Galbadia.

"Thanks man just what I always wanted."

The little blonde grinned and relaxed a small bit, still nervous about his present to Seifer later. He grabbed another beer from the low table behind Quistis, stepping over his pile of empty cans.

Selphie leaned across the circle and handed Zell a dubiously shaped present. He shook it. "What it is?"

She beamed. "Open it."

He ripped open a corner and peeped inside, Seifer sitting next to him chuckled as his friend paled.

"She didn't?" He looked at Selphie.

"What? It's just a few things to help with new relationships."

Zell reached in and pulled out a pair of red fluffy hand cuffs, his face going paler.

Seifer laughed. "I bet you'd look very fetching in them." He patted his thigh teasingly. "How about we test them out later."

The little blonde blushed. "You wish asshole." He went to screw up the wrapping paper when he felt something else in there still. He pulled it out and paled again. Everyone starred at shock, Quistis blushed and looked away from the bright orange dildo in Zell's hand.

The little blonde snapped out of his frozen position to toss it over his head, out of sight and hide his face in Seifer's shoulder.

"Oh my god! Selphie!"

"What?" She said innocently. "At least I got useful things that he might use."

"AH!" Zell pressed his face harder into Seifer's shoulder almost climbing into his lap, the older blonde was laughing so hard at this point.

"Good thing you didn't get Seifer that dildo then." Irvine said. "They already have one now."

Seifer wrapped an arm around Zell as he didn't seem to be in too much of a hurry to leave his position cuddled into Seifer's side. "It's okay Chickie we can play with your toys later." He added a kiss on a forehead, hoping nobody else saw that, which he probably did unless they were blind.

Zell sat up slightly, still leaning on Seifer as the arm around him didn't allow him to move that far away, he watched Squall awkwardly hand Seifer his present.

"Here…. Merry… Christmas." He mumbled.

Seifer opened his present suspiciously and smirked at the contents.

"I heard that you liked cheese."

"Yeah I like cheese." The blonde picked up the wedge of cheese. "Thanks Squall's that's…. great."

The blonde leaning on his shoulder smiled. "I like cheese too, if you don't eat it I will."

"Here you go Squall." Seifer threw across the gift for the brunette.

Squall shook it slightly. "Not going to explode is it?"

"Of course not…. I wouldn't be here if it was dangerous."

Squall opened it and frowned. "Er….Thanks Seifer." He held up the little tree shaped car air freshener and keyring shaped like a pair of boobs. "It's just what I wanted."

Seifer nodded. "I thought so." He took another present out of his pocket and put it in Zell's lap.

"Here you go Chickie one for you too."

"Wow you really brought me a present? I just tied myself in a big red bow."

His friend laughed. "No, really?"

Zell nodded. He proved it by undoing a button and angling his shirt to let the other blonde so the red material of the bow.

His friend laughed more but in a evil sort of way. "In that case can we hurry this up so we can leave?"

"Should I open this now or-" Zell started to say.

"Save it till later."

Rinoa handed Nida his present, Squall shook his head not believing she actually went ahead with the Irvine idea of that porn DVD.

The pilot opened his gift and smiled a fake smile. "Thanks but err I'm gay so-" He looked at the Het porn DVD.

"Really? I never would have guessed, you look so… manly." Rinoa said backtracking. "That's fine I'll give you the receipt and you can go get a gay one."

"Add it to my collection."

Irvine looked up in interest. "You have a collection of gay porn?"

"Oh yes and quite a variety, I have everything from bondage to master/slave to-"

"Ewww!" Selphie said then she thought about it. "Although slaves hmmm."

Squall shrank back a bit. "Don't put ideas into her head."

"Nida I never thought you had it in you and Rinoa said you were boring."

"I never said that!

Squall gave her a look.

"I never said boring I just said err quiet."

"Anyway my turn!" Selphie bounced "And I want my present!"

Quistis handed her a flat wrapped gift, the short girl snatched it and quickly took off all the paper and holding it proudly in the air.

"Yay a handmade CD with all favourite songs on it! Should I put it on now?"

"No!"

"God no!" Everyone agreed at the same time.

"If I have to hear the Mr blobby song today I'll have too kill myself." Seifer said dramatically.

"Just Rinoa her present so I can leave."

"You're going? Why? We haven't played charades yet."

"That's why I'm going now." Seifer said.

"Oh me too, I'll come with me!" Zell agreed.

"Pun intended." Irvine added.

"Irvine!" The little blonde punched him in the arm.

"My present!" Rinoa yelled taking it from Irvine she ripped off the paper.

"Oh my god I'm sooooo surprised!" She took out the earrings that she had pointed out to Irvine in the shop earlier. She gave him a kiss on the cheek.

He grinned stupidly in response.

Seifer stood from the circle. "Are we done? Great! Let's go Chickie."

He walked across the circle. "And don't forget to bring your toys."

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Let's hope Seifer enjoyed his cheese.

In my defence for this really weird fic it's Christmas eve and I had to fill the void between end of dinner and bath time.


End file.
